JOURNAL

Did you know that clean and sober people celebrate 2 birthdays a year?  Well, they do.  I will be 13 years clean and sober on the 10th of July.  Oh my.........!!!

Each year when this time comes, I get very sentimental and think of all the people that have touched my life.  There are so many.  In the early years, I had a social worker that forced me to look at myself and without him I don't know what would have happened to me.  There was a woman who took care of Isaac when he was very young and she also was very instrumental in my recovery.  My mom, who never lost hope, my Aunt J, who gave me unconditional love, my cousin who came to baby-sit Isaac so I could go to AA/NA/CA related functions, my employers who knew the truth about me but gave me the chance to prove myself anyway and the people that I have met through the last 13 years that have given me friendship and support. 

Ah....13.  I have never done anything consistently for 13 years.  Except drink and drug.  As this day approaches, I am reminded of who I am and where I came from.  I look into my son's eyes everyday and I am reminded of where I came from.  He let's me never forget.  And for that, I will be forever grateful to him.  He teaches me daily that I am okay and that I have been given a second chance at life.  I look at my mom and know that she has the strength and courage of many people combined.  She shows me that life goes on, no matter what.

And then there are the people that have taught me things from their passing.  My recovery sponsor calls these people scouts.  They went back out there, tested the waters, and showed me that drinking and drugging is still the same as it was when I was out there.  No need to go back and check to see if it's changed any.  It hasn't. 

There are also the people that  have come into my life while on the clean and sober journey.  Some are recovered people and others aren't.   There is a friend that lives in Vacaville that has seen many of my moods and still remains by my side.  I also have an employee that is full of questions about my life, recovery and the impact my addictions have had on my son.  She hopes to have children of her own someday and maybe sharing my journeys with her will help. There are people that I interact with daily that respect me for what I have been through.  There are also people that I have associated with via the internet that have encouraged me to tell of my journeys. These people have blessed me with their unconditional love and support.  It is through all of these people, I get the opportunity to learn how to be a better person.  I have learned how to accept friendship and allow others into my life.

To my online friends in the support groups, I thank you for sharing all your knowledge  and information with me.  To my online friends in other places, I love you for accepting me for who I am and helping me to do things I might not have done.  To my family, I hope to share many more of my clean and sober years with you. To my mom, I give you the respect that I denied you of for so many years. And to my son, I give you myself.  

There is much to be said about clean and sober birthdays and gratitude.  Every year that I have another birthday, my gratitude increases and the birthdays themselves become more important. I get excited, anxious and full of smiles knowing that this day approaches.    Besides that, how many people do you know that get to be 13 for a second time?

I believe that a celebration is in order.  Happy Day to everyone.   

© 2003 Traci