JOURNAL

 

Easter is here and it looks like Spring is following shortly behind it this year.  Spring is usually a very good time of year for me.  The flowers begin to bloom and I normally pick up energy and start doing more than I'm already doing.  I love the warmer months and hopefully, this year, I will experience a little of the blooming process myself. 

In raising my son, I haven't had much time to spend on myself.  I've always managed to do some sort of little things for myself so that I didn't go crazy but I've never really done things for myself.  Since my son went to live at his Grandma's, I've started doing more for myself.  Some would probably say that I've gone a little overboard but it sure has been fun.

Isaac is still doing well with Grandma.  I do feel that it is a hardship on my mom but she will have it no other way.  She is aware of my concerns and that is really all that I can do.  He is happier living with her and having his so called friends to play with when he gets out of school each day.  There are still some issues with his friends but it is what makes him happy so we just try our best to get through the issues and hope that things will get better.  I personally don't see that happening but one should never give up hope.

Isaac is still communicating with his dad's side of the family.  As a matter of fact, that has branched out even further.  He has been in contact with his step brother who is in his late 20's.  They have written letters to each other and hopefully they will get to meet someday.  And with that, his dad's ex wife has come into the picture and she seems to be a wonderful person.  She communicates with my mom and gives us some of the family history with pictures too.  I'm hoping that someday, all of us can meet and share some time together.  It would be good for Isaac and I sure would enjoy getting to know them myself.  I don't think anyone can have too much family.

My work has been crazy and busy.  I've expanded to offer more services and it has been a blessing.  It's been a hard road learning the different kinds of services but it is now coming along smoothly.  There are still many improvements that can be made but all in all, it seems to be okay.  After the addition of 1 or 2 more services, I would consider the company to be fairly well rounded.  Adding these services takes time and money and I know in the long run, they will pay for themselves.  It's just the getting there that is the hard part.

Some of you know that many years ago, I used to ride a Harley.  I grew up with motorcycles and back in the early 90's, I purchased my first one.  I took the motorcycle course given by the CHP and got my license.  There were a few friends that I had, clean and sober of course, that I rode with and it was great fun for me.  When I decided to open my own business, I sold the bike to have the collateral to put into the business.  Then I developed a back, hip and leg problem and had resigned my self from ever riding again.  Well, you know me and change.....things changed and now I've ended up doing it again.  I couldn't be happier.  When I ride, I seem to put all of my troubles and concerns away for awhile.  There is nothing in my mind but being out there and enjoying the scenery and the fresh air.  The hip, back and leg are still a problem but the doctors seemed to think that I could do it again as long as I followed a few simple rules.  And with a little bit of hard work, I've taken back up the hobby that I love.  Hopefully, it will last for many more years.

I am not a social person and meeting people is not one of my strong suits.  In trying to change that, I have been communicating with someone that lives on the east coast.  We talk about every 2 days on the telephone and it has been going on for a few months now.  About a month ago, it was mentioned that we should meet - face to face.  And after some planning, we are doing just that.  I am going to take a much needed vacation from work and fly back there for a week.  I am a little nervous but excited at the same time.  I know he is too but it will be the experience of a lifetime.  I've never been further than the western states and I am looking forward to seeing what the eastern side is like.  I will let all of you know how things go after I return.  I may even post a few pictures.  The countryside is supposed to be beautiful there.

And last, but certainly not least, it would seem that I have created a network here.  This site was started approximately 2 years ago and I've never registered it with any of the search engines.  It was passed along by word of mouth and email.  I continually get comments from people that I don't know and most are asking questions regarding alcoholism, drug addiction and fetal alcohol syndrome.  I've done my best to answer any that write to me and in doing so, there is now a network of people here.  There is no structure to it but we are all connected.  You have written me and I communicate with you and we stay in touch that way.  By sharing your problems and concerns with me, we have created a bond.  There is trust and compassion and it is all I had hoped it to be and then some.  I knew if this ever got to this point, I would have to respect the anonymity of each of you and that has been no problem.  My only hope is that some of you will allow me to post your stories here so that others that come to this site can learn from you also.  Please continue to stay in touch with me and ask questions and share your experiences.  If any of you would like to have me post your story, please email me and let me know that.  Your anonymity will be protected.  I also would like to thank all of you for continuing to come here and read the journal.  You give me hope to carry on and that is something that I need as much as you do. 

© 2005 Traci